i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
