If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
