Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
