the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
