just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
