What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
