Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
