Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
