Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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