the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
