so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
