WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
