I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
