so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
