So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
