Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's paint friendship bongs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
