Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
