he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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