Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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