yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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