I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
