24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
