By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
