just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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