fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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