We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
