We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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