Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
