Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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