i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
