Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
