His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
