I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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