i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
