also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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