just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
