so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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