He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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