He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
