Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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