I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
