How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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