Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
