The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
