At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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