so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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