Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
