Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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