I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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