are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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