Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
