I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
