it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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