It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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